not that i forget

i've forgotten when is the last time i came and left my mark here. it shows how long i've written something. i guess no one will ever come to my blog again. anw i hope so. if no one reads this, it will be better. dont expect anyone to read anyway. so how i've been doing? i guess great? but i'm quite fed up with certain things.

why is it that when i do well in things, parents seem to just react normal like "ok/maintain your standard/improve more" yet when i just do average, they seem to over react like "oh must be your boyfriend/ u havent been studying lately/ shouldnt hang out so much". it's not like i completely have no expectations. not like i'm gonna be a delinquent. i just feel kinda pissed with their reaction sometimes. shouldnt have done so well in the first place. causing everyone to set a high expectation of me and in turn i feel stressed whenever i'm not up to their mark. people always say not to compete with others but just do better and compare for yourself but why cant my parents see that way.

then again, why is it that sometimes when i want to talk to some people. they give the impression that they didnt want to talk and when i ask them so, they will just say nothing/ u can chat with me anytime, share with me anything/ we can be close friends. however their actions or text says otherwise. yet these people were once very dear to me. i want to talk to them but they just want to shun away. it is like those movies where you are running and panting and you can see your destination yet you cant reach it. why do these people want to do this?

sometimes it seems like i've forgotten everything but it's just that i didnt want to remember cuz whats the point of remembering and make yourself feel so hurt
also, i think i'm weird,
i feel very cold and very hot sometimes. i really meant very. it can even be on the bus, in school, at home.
do you ever feel like u are falling backwards also? even though i'm sitting and yea, sitting on a hard solid ground but sometimes i've gotta feeling i'm falling backwards like the floor is tilting. i think it is a psychological problem? i read it somewhere but i wonder is it serious?